I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
