I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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