she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Michael Bay diarrhea
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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