Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
