i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
