I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize