we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
