I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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