I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
