At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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