Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
