At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
