She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
