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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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