my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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