this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
