ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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