I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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