She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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