I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
When did angry sex become our thing?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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