I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
