11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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