Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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