please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I understand Curling. That high.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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