So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
