I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
