I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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