I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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