Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
