too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
