So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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