Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You can't special order awesome
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
