sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
