tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize