Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
