Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
