I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
