i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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