rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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