break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
