3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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