he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
