Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
