Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize