Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
