i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
