You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
