What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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