moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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