I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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