Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
