His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
