My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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