Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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