I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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