i don't like sucking hair
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
