the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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