you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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