I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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