I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
