Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
