We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
