I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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