I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We're too hungover to prance.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
