and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize