you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
