drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
